Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
