yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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