come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
