Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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