Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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