I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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