i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize