I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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