i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
