worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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