How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
