can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
