Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize