I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Im part way to drunk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
