it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
