i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
