smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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