I think I died a long time ago.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
