Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
