I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
