This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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