i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
