I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
