You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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