he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
