just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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