If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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