I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
