why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Welp...herpes.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The ass gains better be worth it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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