also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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