fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
