There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
