I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
