Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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