hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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