I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
