nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm too high and old for this...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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