so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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