i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
