Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
