she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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