He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
