Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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