Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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