she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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