I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
