I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
