Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
