I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
