I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
