i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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