"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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