tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
