it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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