nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
