it's not cheating when I paid for it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
