My sheets look like a crime scene.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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