how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
