You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize