angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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