She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
