susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
