This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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