the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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