Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
