is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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