I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
