Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
